He dunno shit about shit

I dunno why they all still hate us Amurcans.
I mean, we elected their Talibany leader president.
If we just let the guy grow his beard back they'd all see we are friendlies...

What's that?
...not Middle Eastern?
...African-American?
No...you're thinking of a few years ago.
Back when Keifer Sutherland was still the anchor man on that 24 hour news network.
He already served his two seasons. They can't re-elect you again.

Gahd, I am so sick of this crowded city.
San Francisco...the whole Bay Area...no, the WHOLE STATE is clogged up with all these gays and their families.
You can't even merge on to the highway anymore.
Just terbal.
They're exploding our population!

What's that?
...don't procreate?
Well of course they ain't pro-cration, they's all a bunch of welfur chasin' librals.
They's bound to be pro-choice.

Oh, boo hoo!
Your school fees keep increasing because you chose to go to an expensive school, ya dummy!
College isn't for everyone. And you picked biochemistry so you can go to medical school to boot! You're going to be making a fortune when you finish, you can't complain about a solid investment like that. Just wait it out.

What's that?
Of course I want free health care!
We are the only good country that doesn't have it!
Those doctors owe me health.
I have the right!

It's just because they never had good Mexican food, they want to close the borders.
We need more restaurants around here.

What's that?
...other professions?
Me and everyone I know work at In-N-Out Burger...

What's the big to do about stealing music?
In my town when someone tries to steal something, like a Safeway shopping cart, we have detectors to make the wheels stop working once it gets outside of the Safeway parking lot.
They oughta just shock people's heads when they take the song too far from the store.

What's that?
...intangible?
Bull shit sonny. My ear phones are always knotting up.